Last year, my good friend Gene and I went to see the Tigers in their new Comerica Park stadium when I was in Detroit visiting my mom. The Tigers got crushed by the White Sox that day even though that was the first live Tigers game I had seen in many years. How could they? Oh well, they went on to vanquish all AL foes and ended up in the world series.

Rightfielder Magglio Ordonez congratulates Carlos Guillen on his home run.

Tonight, my wife and I and Bill and Kris went to see the Tigers play the Washington Nationals at RFK. It was the Tigers first visit to DC in over 35 years! Tonight’s game was the final one of a 3 game series and the Tigers had won the first 2 by scores of 9-8 and 15-1. They had crushed the Nats last night. So, I was worried that maybe they would be a little flat tonight. Not to worry. On a gorgeous night in the nation’s capital, the mighty bengals lambasted the woeful Nats again 8 -4. I think there were as many Tiger fans as Nats fans, especially when the Nats fans started heading toward the exits after the 8th inning. Come on, you don’t leave a game before it’s over. How would they have felt if the Nats (remote chance but you never know) had come back and rallied in the bottom of the 9th? What a hoot to hear thousands of the olde English D hatted fans yelling “Let’s Go Tigers!”

But, Todd Jones shut them down in the 9th and the Tigers behind great hitting from Maglio and Carlos did it again. “Hold that Tiger, hold that Tiger….”. I’m in love again!

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Peter Schickele, aka P.D.Q. Bach

Last night, my wife and I drove to Owings Mills, MD for dinner with friends and then a concert by Mr. Peter Schickele and company. We originally thought this affair was in Olney, MD which still seems like the other end of the world from N. VA. However, upon a closer examination of the email invite yesterday, I discovered this was in Owings Mills. A quick Google mapping revealed that Olney is right around the corner compared to Owings Mills! But, like good musical troopers, we marched on. My wife reminded me during my grumbling about the long drive (about 90 minutes) that we once drove 4 hours to hear Peter Yarrow and daughter along with Doug Mishkin. (True, but they were good I thought). Anyway, for a more thorough introduction to Peter Schickele ( aka P.D.Q. Bach) you can read my spouse’s post. Here’s my take on the evening:

1. Mr. Schickele has some good shtick. Think Victor Borge from South Dakota. In fact, I think Peter has borrowed quite liberally from Victor.
2. Mr. Schickele’s humor is better than his music.
3. I managed to stay awake - I refer you to this post - longer than my wife despite her penchant for this kind of “Bachian” music. However, interestingly, she zzz’d off during the opening song parodies, which I found mildly amusing, and awakened during the music only and interminable string quartet - why I have no idea. I, on the other hand, did not doze off until the string quartet. Another small victory, no?
4. After the lonnnnnng intermission, and buoyed by my little nap, I ( and my wife) managed to stay awake for the more modern song parodies, rounds and the rousing finale - Songs from Shakespeare.

In any case, we had a nice dinner and conversation with friends and at least I can say I saw Peter Schickele - whoopee!

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Our builder left us a small circular tool for just such exigencies that theoretically can be used to unlock the mechanism through a small hole in the outer knob (see picture). However, I have never been able to figure out how to use this maddening little thing to actually open the door from the outside.  My wife seems to have the knack, but today I accidentally locked myself out of the bedroom and my wife was not home. And, I had to get into the room to get my car keys and I had to do it fast or I would be late to my already rescheduled P.T. appointment.

So, I first found the little tool (btw, does anyone know what it is called?) and decided to give it a try. This time, however, I moved slowly and calmly about the task. And, good golly miss molly, the door opened! How had I managed to do it this time after failing on so many previous occasions? Was it the fear of missing my appointment that made my hands work effectively? Was it the inner calm after 3 days at the beach? Or, was it just blind luck? I really don’t know, but I think I’ll will no longer feel helpless if it happens again. One of life’s little victories is still as sweet.

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We stayed virtually for free at a condo overlooking the beautiful beach and the Gulf. It’s owned by a brother of one of the 4 “daisies” (Barbie’s ya-ya like group of 4 close friends from school days). There were 5 of us - Barbie and me, FL and I - both single now - and M, married but whose hubby came down with a bad back a couple of days ago (likely story). So, I’ve been surrounded by beautiful women - not too bad a gig!

We’ve hung out at the beach and the pool, attended 2 Bay High Reunion events and discovered a fantastic little beach restaurant called Liza’s Kitchen. And, the reunion events were actually fun. I spent a good bit of time talking to other spouses, one of which was Bill Cappleman, ex Detroit Lion Quarterback! We had a good time reminiscing about his playing days in the early 70’s. And, I enjoyed chatting with Graham’s wife - another Northerner. It’s been a blast and until just an hour ago, we’ve been off the air - no internet. It’s been a nice break. Back to DC tomorrow night. I’ll miss P.C. beach.

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Scene from The Hustler

Yesterday at my local Whole Foods, I stopped at the fish counter where I overheard the customer before me wishing the “fish man” good luck in his upcoming competition. In the past, I probably wouldn’t have followed up on this, but lately I seem to be more and more anxious to engage people in conversation and I was curious. I’ve also been served by his guy many times and was curious about other aspects of his life. So, when it was my turn, I had to ask:

“So, what kind of competition are you involved in?”
“Straight pool. I’m entered in a Maryland tournament and if I finish 1st or 2nd, I’ll qualify for the national tournament.”
“Think you’re good enough to do that?”
“Oh yeah, I’m a pretty good player. In New York City, I played for many years starting in 1964 until about 1980. I stopped playing for 17 years, but took it up again a few years ago. I walked into a bar in Clarendon that had a pool table and thought ‘what the hell’, let me play a few games. I beat the pants off everyone there and started my ‘comeback’. You know who taught me how to play?”
“No idea.”
“Willie Mosconi! Ever heard of him?”
“Of course - he was the greatest straight pool player that ever lived. He did all the pool shots in the ‘Hustler’. That’s still my favorite movie.”
“Not only did he do all the playing, it’s his hands you see racking the balls.”
….
“Hey, best of luck in the tournament”.
“Thanks, buddy.”

I loved this chance encounter and dialogue for a couple of reasons. The Fish guy was no longer just some anonymous employee. He was a very cool guy.

And, I loved talking to him about pool. In my early 20’s, I loved playing pool. In fact (don’t tell any of my relatives), I spent the majority of my sophomore year at the student union playing straight pool, 8 ball, 9 ball, and snooker. I was a pretty good shot, so snooker was my favorite. And, along with my friend Tom Parker, I went to several pool tournaments in the Detroit area. I saw Minnesota Fats (Rudolph Walter Wanderone Jr - he adopted the name after the movie). He turned out to be a good talker, but not that great a pool player. I also saw Luther (Wimpy)Lassiter and Irving Crane, 2 U.S. champions play. They were the real deal. I even had my own “stick” - bought if off a guy I worked with on a summer job with the Mich. State Highway Dept.

This chance encounter brought back a lot of good memories. Good luck, Fish Man!!

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Anyway, here are a couple of examples:

• On previous trips, I’ve always been able to “borrow” an internet connection from one of my mother’s wifi enalbed neighbors. To my disappointment, the sources all dried up on this visit. 5 days being “off the air” would be really hard for me. But, on Tuesday, I discovered that the nearest Whole Foods (I had stopped there to get some food anyway), had free wifi in their cafe. On Wednesday, while my mom was napping at the nursing home, I and my Macbook went over to WF.
  Unfortunately, the table nearest to the only electric outlet not in use required that I string my cord across the path leading to the restrooms. But, thinking my battery would not last that long, I plugged in anyway. Several people crossed over the cord on the way to the rest room. Of course, I warned them when I saw them. Not one was angry or upset. They just said, “Thanks for the warning”.

  After about 20 minutes, a WF employee came up to me. My brain was still in East Coast mind-set, so I thought “uh-oh, the jig’s up.” But, instead, she said as sweetly as possible, that she could unplug one of the machines in the corner away from foot traffic and I could plug in there. “Just be sure to plug it back in when you’re done”. Now, tell me, how do you think this scenario would have played out in Washington?

• My second example took place at the airport Thrify Car Rental counter when I arrived in Detroit. I had reserved the cheapest economy car possible. Upon check-in, I inquired as to the kind of car to which that entitled me.
  

  “It’s a small Kia - no power, no satellite radio, no nothing”, replied the woman at the Thrifty counter. “Sure you don’t want to upgrade to a compact. You’ll have all that and more”. “How much extra would that cost me?” “About $70 in total”. “No, thanks”, I said. “I’ll manage. Thanks anyway. But, if I get out to my Kia and don’t like what I see, I may be back.” “Oh”, she replied. “you won’t be disappointed.”

  Wonder what she meant, I thought. Well, I soon found out. She had upgraded me anyway - for the same price as the economy Kia. I had a very nice Dodge Calibre with power everything, satellite radio, etc. Needless, to say I was not disappointed.

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• I immediately discovered that medicare would stop paying for her therapy not on 5/24 as I had been told but a week later on 5/31. That was welcome news. But, the question remained what then?
• My mom had made some progress in the last few days. With her walker, she was now able to walk from her bed to the bathroom and back. And, she was able to dress herself. These were major improvements. However, she has very little stamina and she got quite tired after these short exertions.
• She is taking medications for her heart, for the build up of fluids in her ankles and lungs, for the ulcer, for high blood pressure and for pain in her back.
• This one took me totally by surprise - she seems to now have a short term memory loss. She’d ask me something and ask the identical question 2 hours later. Whether this is the result of stress, worry, disorientation, or the meds, it’s hard to say. We’re hoping it is temporary, but we don’t know.
• Despite all of this, my mom thought she would be able to go home. This was clearly not the best option in my opinion. She would require 24×7 home care. It would be quite expensive and not as good as having her stay at the nursing home as a private care patient so that she would get medical monitoring as well as having her meds administered.
• I arranged a meeting with the house doctor, the social worker, the nursing unit administrator, and an occupational therapist who had just evaluated her. We agreed that an extension of her stay at the nursing home, was the best option. However, on the bright side, they thought she had made enough of an improvement so that she could be transferred to the assisted living wing of the facility. Hopefully, this will be just a transition period until she moves into an independent living apartment in an elder care facility. Otherwise, she will need to go to a more permanent assisted living or higher care facility, possibly in the same place as the independent living apartment into which she had hoped to be moving.
• Next came a meeting I had dreaded - breaking the news to my mom. But, after a short discussion, she seemed to accept this strategy. I think she realized that going home, as attractive as it was to her, was just not realistic.

So, that’s where we stand. She is scheduled to be moved to the assisted living unit next Thursday and stay for a month. We’ll reevaluate at that time.

Like my dad, who battled tirelessly for 10 years against the ravages of a major stroke, my mom is fighting valiantly against this onslaught of medical problems. I’m descended from real fighters!

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Thomas Cole. The Voyage of Life: Old Age. 1842.

Recently I always repeat basically the same prayer in my head during our silent prayer intervals at Shabbat services. Part of it goes something like this:

Dear God, Please allow my mother (92) and my aunt (98) to live the rest of their days free of pain and anxiety. Let them play their end game gracefully.

My aunt continues to amaze everyone. She is still living by herself and managing most of the time despite failing eyesight and balance.

But, despite all my prayers, it looks like my mother will not have a peaceful conclusion to her life. For the past several months, she has been battling in this order:

• congestive heart failure
• spinal stenosis and compression fractures in her back from severe osteoporosis
• bleeding ulcer

Any one of these would be bad enough, but when you combine them the suffering gets to be pretty bad. Her life has been a terrible journey from hospital to nursing home to home for a couple weeks and now back to the hospital and nursing home. She is in pain and she is tired. Despite all of this, she thinks she is going to go home soon. It’s not likely as currently she still needs 24×7 care. The much more likely scenario is she will remain in the nursing home for the foreseeable future as a private patient since Medicare will soon run out. At least this way, she’ll have continuous medical monitoring and also physical and occupational therapy. If miraculously, she improves then we can talk about her leaving for an assisted living facility.

This morning at services, I thought about Florence, a 91 year old member of our congregation we’ve come to know quite well in the last few years. She’s a lovely woman inside and out but she is dying of a brain tumor. However, at least so far she has been granted a very graceful exit. She is not in any pain and continues to live in her own home with the help of her daughter who moved here from Boston to look after her. She remains mentally alert and mobile. Florence is so fortunate that her journey had been bearable. Alas, that is not the case with my mother.

So, I am leaving for Detroit Tuesday because it’s been hard dealing long distance with her most recent problems (I was there in February too). I have other relatives in Detroit, but my brother (who moved away from Detroit many years ago as I did) and I are the decision makers and advisers. So, I want to see “ground truth” for myself but more importantly I want to be able to talk to my mother realistically about her options. This won’t be an easy conversation.

It can really suck getting old this way. I continue to pray for a better end game for my mother. Please join me - maybe she just needs a few more prayers.

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Q1: Should we have been better disciplinarians with our children? Would it really have made any difference?
A: Yes, I think we probably should have been a tiny bit stricter, but I don’t think it was a major failing. We also could have been more consistent in actually carrying out our threatened “punishments”. But, honestly, we have 2 really good kids and so I don’t think it would have made a real difference.

Q2: If you could change one thing that happened in your life to date, what would it be?
A: This is easy and I bet you would not have ever guessed it. I would not have planted those G-damn asparagus beds in the Spring of 1978. I was told to dig trenches at least a foot deep. Since I didn’t know what the h__ I was doing and our soil is rock solid clay, I really screwed myself. That’s how I injured my plantar fascia which made me stop playing softball and tennis and led to me injuring my back the next winter. I’ve been battling those injuries ever since, although for the past several years, I returned to tennis and took up biking. But, I lost a lot of years of fun, exercise and camaraderie due to my crazy notion of growing my own asparagus.

Q3: If you had become the doctor your mother had envisioned, what type of doctor would you be? Do you think you would be more or less happy than you are today?
A: First, it was not just my mother. My dad was a big Doctor pusher too. I think I would have been a dermatologist for several reasons:

1. The only surgery they do is pretty minor and usually done in their offices
2. They often get instant gratification. The patient’s problem is often fixed or at least treated during the initial visit.
3. They would be among the least likely doc to get late night or weekend emergency calls.

Would I be happier today? That’s a very good and very hard question and almost impossible to really answer. It’s possible that during my working career, I might have been happier. And, certainly, I would have earned a lot more money. But, I’m not sure my retirement years would be happier. I like what I’m doing now and I’m not sure I would have developed the varied interests I currently cultivate.

Q4: If someone gave you $1 million, what would you do with it?
A: This question and the next one are my favorites. Here’s what I’d do with the million:

• Travel, travel, travel
• Set up a small trust fund for both kids
• Donate 10% to Temple Micah and to Save Darfur

Q5: What are the 5 places you want to visit on upcoming trips in order of preference?
A: This is a hard one since there are many more places than 5 in my fantasies. But, here’s my best shot:

1. South America - Chile/Argentina
2. Greece/Turkey
3. Russia
4. Costa Rica
5. Vieques, P.R.

Bonus Q: If you could be fluent in another language, which one would it be and why?

A: Another hard one in that there are 2 languages that immediately spring to mind - Hebrew and Spanish. But, if I have to pick one, it would have to be Hebrew. Reasons:

• So, I could more easily translate the prayers we do in Hebrew and that we sing in Choir. And, so I could read the Bible easily in its original language
• So, that on our next trip to Israel, I can actually converse in the native/mother tongue.

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