Archive for the 'Life' Category

Insanity Strikes Too Close to Home

dd April 16th, 2007

An injured person is carried out of Norris Hall at VA Tech.

For those who haven’t yet heard, a tragedy of indescribable proportion took place today on the campus of Virginia Tech University in Blacksburg, VA. According to early reports, a young Asian-American man killed 22 students, including himself, and wounded many others. News reports at this time indicate an uncertainty about whether the shooter was a current or former student. They say he had a grudge with a professor in the class room building where almost all the carnage took place.

What the hell has happened to us? When I was a college student 40 years ago, no one had guns, let alone think of using them indiscriminately against innocent people because you were pissed off at a professor. Maybe, it will turn out that the killer was mentally disturbed. But, doesn’t it seem so many more of us are so disturbed today? Is it the media that is to blame? Violence is rampant, especially in urban music these days. Video games? Are we more stressed than 40 years ago? Could someone please explain what is going on?

I know friends who have or had students attend VA Tech, which is only a couple of hundred miles from my home in N. VA. I hope and pray their kids were not involved. I can’t even begin to imagine the unspeakable anguish and devastation being felt by the parents of the young people cut down in the beginning of their lives because they happened to be sitting in the wrong classroom in what they thought was a safe state university in a rural part of VA.

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A Pain in the Neck

dd April 12th, 2007

WARNING: THIS IS A PERSONAL “BITCHING” SESSION

Literally and figuratively, I’ve had and probably been a pain in the neck for the last month. It started innocently enough - or so I thought at the time. About a month ago, I decided I wanted a road bike to replace the more “clunkerish” hybrid I had been riding. Biking has become my favorite and only (at the moment) form of aerobic exercise these days. So, I went to my LBS and told them I wanted a road bike with relaxed geometry suited for someone a little older than their typical 20 or 30 something rider. I tried a Specialized Roubaix and a Trek Pilot, similar road bikes intended to be more comfortable and upright than the standard race bikes. I ended up getting the Pilot since it was on ‘06 model on sale and had much better components.

I took it out for a ride the next day and after 20 minutes, my neck and shoulders were really sore. Then, the headaches started and what I call “mental fog”. Of course, I took the bike back to the shop - they have a 30 day full refund or exchange policy. I said, “I need a different bike”. They asked why and I explained my sad story. I actually like the guys at the LBS a lot and they said that the bike needed a more thorough fitting and customization to fit my needs. They raised the handlebars, adjusted the seat etc. I took it home again and I must say subsequent rides felt much better. And, I do like the bike. But, I guess I had so messed up my neck and shoulders that it’s taken quite a while to get back to normal. Meanwhile, I’ve paid visits to my chiropractor, massage therapist and my holistic internist for acupuncture. Today, the doc applied what she called the “meat tenderizer” acupuncture tool (it really looks like a miniature meat tenderizer, but the Chinese have a different name for it - plum something). Then, she applied the red (hot oil) Tiger balm and went to work with the needles. Guess she pulled out the big guns today.

I think the whole problem has been exacerbated by worry over my 92 year old mom who ended up back in the hospital recently with compression fractures of her spine and stenosis - the result of really bad osteoporosis. She is now at the convalescence center again. Poor woman - she just got out of that place a few weeks ago. And, there is the awful tree pollen and other allergens bursting all around here - I’m allergic to everything. And, throw in income taxes, work and my volunteer stuff on top of that and well, guess it’s no wonder I have a pain in the neck.

So, if you’ve been wondering why you’ve seen fewer posts and fewer comments from me - that’s the partial explanation.

There - got that off my chest. Thanks to all you wonderful “therapists” out there for listening.

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What Will You Do To Repair The World?

dd April 8th, 2007

In a previous post, I talked about the Seder that I led at our home. We had several good discussions spun off from questions raised during the “service”. I attended a community Seder last night, hosted by our Temple’s women’s group. I enjoyed it very much.

During the Seder at the point of opening the door “for Elijah”, the participants at each table were asked to discuss what they plan to do over the next 12 months to make this world a better place in which to live. In other words, how can we contribute to “tikkun olam”, repairing the world (this is a concept first drawn from the ancient mystic Kabbalah tradition, but has become preeminent today - the world is flawed and broken and we have to do our part to fix it). It’s a good question don’t you think? I won’t bore you with my response, but would be really interested to hear how others would answer.

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What Would You Do?

dd March 19th, 2007

If you happened to read this story in the Sunday NY Times, you must have started thinking about the question I’m going to pose. To recap the story for those who have not seen it: A 23 year old woman has known since her teen years that her grandfather died an awful death due to Huntington’s disease (HD), a fairly rare but genetic brain disorder which ravages the mind and body. (Probably the most famous person to have contracted HD is Woody Guthrie). Her mother has refused to get genetically tested to determine if she also inherited the HD gene - a 50% probability. Her daughter, Katherine, however, decided she had to know. And, at 23 when she learned of a testing procedure that she could finally afford — at Columbia University Medical Center in Manhattan — she went for it. She did this despite warnings of the consequences if she tested positive. She wanted to be able to change the way she lived her life based on the certainty of either dying from HD or not. The test can also determine how long she would have a “normal” life before the onset of increasingly more debilitating symptoms.

The test came back positive. She did indeed inherit the HD gene. She subsequently found out that she will most likely start experiencing symptoms at the age of 37. She is now 25. She has only an expected 12 years more of normal living.

So, my question is what would you do if one of your parents or a grandparent has/had Huntington’s disease? Would you get tested knowing there is a 50% chance of being free forever from fear but knowing also there is a 50% chance of getting your death sentence? It’s a tough call. In my case, I think I would not take the test.

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Darfur - we can make a difference!

dd March 16th, 2007

I’m sure everyone reading this blog is familiar with the ongoing genocide in Darfur, Sudan. Hundreds of thousands killed and raped. 2 million people displaced from their homes. This genocide is lead and sponsored by the Sudanese government and mainly carried out by their proxy - the Arab militia called the Janjaweed. Dark skinned black farmers and their families are the victims.

I have been tangentially involved in trying to fight this atrocity against humanity by being part of the Darfur Interfaith Network and helping to organize a monthly vigil in front of the Sudanese embassy. On Sunday, a friend and I went to hear Nicholas Kristof, NY Times columnist, who has written more about Darfur than anyone in the print media. He was a very effective speaker but told a very grim story. It’s hard to imagine, but things are getting worse. He discussed a few measures that could be helpful in at least making things better if not ending this conflict. Things like more pressure on the Sudanese government; pressure on China, a Sudanese protector; organizing a joint U.S/European summit on Darfur; having President Bush deliver a prime-time speech on Darfur; imposing stiffer economic sanctions on Sudan, etc.

So, what can we do? Bottom line: we need to get this on the radar screens of this administration and congress. Same thing in Europe for any European readers. The leadership to fight this genocide, especially in today’s political climate, unfortunately won’t come from our elected leaders, that’s for sure. Moral outrage - yeah, right. They’re too busy defending their own misconduct or worrying about how to position themselves for the next election.

But, they do pay attention to a public outcry. And, the good news is that it wouldn’t require a whole lot of effort on our parts. For example,

  • What if everyone in the U.S. wrote to the White House and congress demanding more action against this genocide?
  • What if everyone wrote a letter or sent an email message to all the European embassies and those of the Arab countries that have been deafeningly silent?
  • What if we all contacted print and broadcast media demanding more coverage of Darfur?
  • What if there was a vigil in front of the Sudanese embassy that was well attended every hour of every day of every month?

But, we’re also bloggers. What if we all wrote just one post about this genocide? That would help spread the word in the blogosphere, an increasingly important outlet today.

So, please “get off your tushies”, everyone. Take a few minutes of your day - do something. There’s an old adage in the Jewish Talmud that to save one life is to save the entire world. We can do this. DC folks - why not start by joining me at noon for 1 hour on the 4th Thursday of each month in front of the Sudanese embassy? I hope to see you there.

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Who knew - I Really Can Sing

dd March 11th, 2007

My “singing career” began as a 13 year old when I became a Bar Mitzvah. I took piano at the time (a career cut mercifully short after 2 years of little practice and many missed lessons due to “illness” aka “I can’t go - I haven’t practiced”). So, I could play the trope (the musical notation which corresponds to the Torah readings) on the piano and taught myself my part that way. I was a bit of an innovator — at least in my class in 1960 — as I was the only one to ask our instructor, the assistant cantor, to please write out the music for me so I could play it at home. (Today, kids use cd’s or iPods to learn their part). I was amazed when he just took a piece of paper and wrote out the piano music on the spot.

Anyway, I studied diligently and practiced like crazy, in stark contrast to my short lived piano experience. Fear is a great motivator and the thought of screwing up before my entire family, friends and the congregation put a good deal of trepidation into little David. The big day came and it went flawlessly. Once, I started singing, I don’t recall being even a bit nervous. Afterwards, the cantor strongly suggested to my father that I should join the youth choir since I had a terrific voice. I beamed inside.

But, soon after that, my voice changed. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I did not understand what octave made sense. So, I just assumed I could not really sing anymore - my recently discovered singing talent had suddenly vaporized. And, crazy as this sounds, this mindset stuck with me for the next 40 some years. Although, my wife occasionally would tell me that I had a nice singing voice, I wasn’t even sure I could carry a tune.

Then, fate and a little arm-twisting intervened. Our Temple choir was having an open house and my wife, a choir member, cajoled me into attending, despite my protests that I couldn’t sing anymore. The choir seemed pretty low key and our choir director is a great guy and a great musician, so after the open house, I agreed to come to a rehearsal.

“What are you - a tenor or a bass?”, he asked. I hadn’t the slightest idea, but then blurted out. “I’m not really sure. Tenor I guess”, probably thinking back to my Bar Mitzvah days. So, I became a tenor for the next year, struggling to learn the high parts but still enjoying the experience. But, never did I volunteer for a solo - heaven forbid. Finally, the realization came upon me that it was much easier for me to sing the bass range and switched to the bass section. What a relief - this is where I finally belonged. For so long, in my own mind, I was still the 13 year old singer. Now, I discover I’m a bass. Choir was so much more pleasant and a lot easier.

Then, 2 years ago, in recognition of my volunteer web-master service, I was asked to sing the Kiddush prayer at the High Holy Day of Rosh Hashanah. My first reaction was, “I’m not sure I can do this - especially in front of 1200 people”. But, I hesitatingly agreed. Well, reminiscent of my Bar Mitzvah days, I studied that piece like crazy. I knew it backwards and forwards. When the time came - unfortunately at the very end of the 2 hour service - I was a bit nervous as I walked up to the front. But, once I began singing, it was deja vu. Not nervous at all, despite unexpected microphone problems. And, I nailed it.

Since then, I now volunteer when our choir occasionally doles out Yism’chu solos during a Bar Mitzvah service. And, recently I volunteered to be one of the chanters for our Purim service. I love these experiences. And, I love the fact that I have rediscovered my voice that had laid dormant for 42 years. Who knew?

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Extreme Embarrassment

dd March 3rd, 2007

I really screwed up today. Readers may recall that at last spring’s auction at our Temple, we bid and won an item which allowed us to provide 4 words that our rabbi would incorporate into a sermon. After many email exchanges a couple of months ago, we settled on today for the sermon delivery. But, guess who totally forgot about it? Yes, me - Mr. Diligent - who always puts things in his Mac calendar and syncs it to his Palm Pilot. And, usually that system works brilliantly. Only slight problem with it is you have to enter the damn event in your calendar!@!

But, as you’ll soon see, the morning was salvaged. Services start at 10:15 and B and I had decided to play hooky today (of course both forgetting that this was a Shabbat service that we were a featured player in). B had made plans to meet her good friend for an outing. Me - just planned a casual morning. Phone rings at 10:28.

“Hi, David. This is David A.”
“Oh, hi. How are you?”
“Fine. Did you forget this was sermon day?”

Sermon day, I’m thinking. What the hell is he talking about? But, after a second or two, it dawns on me.

“Crap - I totally forgot!”
“Well, the service just started. I think you can still make it.”
“Maybe - I’ll try. Thanks.”

This was the state I was in at 10:28: in the middle of my morning exercises, unshowered, no breakfast. I would have to leave in 15 minutes in order to have any chance to arrive in time for the sermon. My first inclination was “Hell with it.” But, B said “Why not bring a banana in the car?” I decided to go for it because I really wanted to hear what Rabbi M. came up with and also, truthfully, because it would be ridiculous for the auction winner to not show.

I grabbed a super fast (for me) shower, dressed, grabbed 2 bananas and raced out the door. I “slightly” exceeded the speed limits and made it to Temple in 20 minutes, door to door. I scampered up the stairs, went inside, grabbed a book, and sheepishly entered the sanctuary. Lo and behold, I got there in time - she had not started the sermon. Actually had 5 minutes to spare!

The sermon was amazing! Not only did our Rabbi incorporate all 8 words (our 4 and 4 from our auction co-winner), but she did it by including them in an epic poem she wrote which proceeded to retell the whole Torah - Exodus to Deuteronomy (well, a Cliff’s notes version anyway). Anyone ever see the theater group “Reduced Shakespeare Company” that performs the complete Shakespeare, the complete Bible, the complete history of Western civilization, etc.? Think of that, but set to verse. Since Purim starts tonight, she also showed off her juggling talents. Who knew?

Afterwards, our music director, cantor, and the rabbi were talking to me. The cantor says, “We thought by 10:25, it was strange you guys were not here. You’re always so punctual.” Rabbi says, “Someone came over and whispered, ‘the ______’s are not here. Should someone give them a call?’” “It’s been taken care of”, she told them. And our music director said he taped the whole service just in case we did not arrive so that we could hear it!

Quite a morning. Guess all is well that ends well.

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The Irrepressible Retriever

dd February 25th, 2007

Our backyard

I’m ready - let’s go!

Is this fun or what?

Where is that damn thing?

I’m back

Our hybrid retriever Jake (1/2 golden, 1/2 black lab) has loved to retrieve since he was a puppy (in sharp contrast to our full blooded pure bred black lab who hasn’t a retrieving bone in his gentle body).  Jake would retrieve forever or until he dropped. 

“What’s a little snow?”, Jake said to me earlier.  Although finding the kong is a bit more of a challenge, he’s “more than up to it”.  By the way, Jake’s best retrieving claim to fame was when my wife was throwing his kong and it ended up in a branch of a small tree.  After pondering this for a few moments, Jake figured out that if he shook the tree, the kong would fall to the ground.  Did I mention that he’s a genius?

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Turning the Big 60

dd February 22nd, 2007

Today I am a fountain pen - oops, wrong birthday.  Although, I am old enough to remember what a fountain pen is.  And, I even remember ink wells in school desks.  But, back on point - today I turned 60. 

When I was a kid, 60 sounded ancient.  It still sounds a little on the old side.  But, truthfully, I sort of internally feel like I’m still in my 20’s.  So, I started to think about ways in which I’ve changed over the years and ways I’ve stayed the same.  Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Ways I’ve Changed

  • I used to be more introverted.  Now, I’m about smack dab in the middle.
  • I used to have a bad temper, though I rarely exhibited it.  Now, I’ve mellowed and I can’t recall the last time I lost my temper.
  • My breakfast in my 20’s consisted of a Drake’s cake and coffee.  Now, it’s usually Spelt flakes with blueberries and Teeccino, a coffee substitute.

Ways I’ve Stayed the Same

  • The same dumb jokes make me laugh.
  • I still like to look (please note the emphasis on look here) at attractive members of the opposite sex.
  • I still love movies and folk music.
  • I still hate opera.
  • I’m still protesting.  It used to be Vietnam.  Today it was Darfur.

So, here’s a challenge for you.  Name 6 to 8 ways you’ve changed or stayed the same over the last half of your life.  Up to the challenge?  In particular, I’d like to see what Barbara, Reya, Steve, Pauline, Mother of Invention, Kristin have to say.  But, would love to see others take a crack at this too.

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Introvert or Extrovert - What the Hell Am I?

dd February 19th, 2007

As I approach my 60th birthday Thursday, I’ve been pondering ways I’ve changed over the years.  One aspect I’ve been considering is the personality trait of extroversion vs introversion.  I’ve always tended to think of myself as an introvert and a few of the ubiquitous Myers-Briggs tests I took years ago seemed to confirm that, although not strongly.  But, lately, I’ve sensed movement toward the extrovert side.

But, first let’s define things so we’re all on the same page.  These come from a very illuminating March, 2003 article by Jonathan Rauch in the Atlantic:

Introversion

Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroversion

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone.

Rauch points out:

In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.

Introverts can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience but seem awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk.  They have to be dragged to parties and then need the rest of the day to recuperate.

A lot of introverts are actually very good at being social.  It just takes a lot of work for them.  Shyness/anxiousness and introversion are different things.  An introvert can go to a party and then dinner afterwards, but are then completely ruined for the evening.

Years ago, I used to dread going to parties or large social gatherings especially when I wouldn’t know anyone there.   But, now, I don’t seem to mind.  And, I don’t feel the need to totally isolate myself afterward.  I’m also much less inhibited about speaking out in meetings or social gatherings.  Maybe that just comes with getting older.  However, small talk is still not my strong suit and is still sort of an effort.

I decided to take two online tests to determine my degree of introversion/extroversion.  The first is called the Self Assessment test for Introverts, by Marti Laney a Introversion PhD expert.  The second is the Five Factor Personality Model Test, a more highly regarded profile than Myers-Briggs, which has come under a great deal of criticism.

On both tests, I score about 50-50.  So, as with my birth sign, I’m right on the cusp.  Neither fish nor fowl.  Maybe that’s a good place to be.

For introverts reading this, tell your extrovert friends and loved ones not to be so smug about their “extrovertedness”.  Mr. Rauch points out that

Introverts are more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined and more sensitive than extroverts. 

Finally, here are Marti Laney’s top 10 Misconceptions and Advantages to Being an Introvert:

Misconceptions About Introverts

10. Party poopers
9. Unfriendly
8. Nerds
7. Lacking social skills
6. Won’t talk
5. Dont’ like people
4. Withdrawn
3. Loner
2. Shy
1. Hermit

Advantages Introverts Possess

10. Work well with others, especially in one-to-one relationships
9. Maintain long-term relationships
8. Flexible
7. Independent
6. Strong ability to concentrate
5. Self-reflective
4. Responsible
3. Creative, out-of-the-box thinking
2. Analytical skills that integrate complexity
1. Studious and smart

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