Archive for the 'Family' Category

Barbie’s 40th High School Reunion

dd June 10th, 2007

I wasn’t sure how much fun I was going to have this weekend as I accompanied Barbara (aka Barbie to her friends here in Panama City, FL) to her 40th high school reunion. For those who haven’t visited Panama City, it’s in the northwest panhandle of Florida, otherwise known as the redneck Riviera. So, that is strike one. Strike two of course is that I’m the spouse tagging along who doesn’t really know anhyone at the reunion events. But, I never got to strike three. I’ve had a great time.

We stayed virtually for free at a condo overlooking the beautiful beach and the Gulf. It’s owned by a brother of one of the 4 “daisies” (Barbie’s ya-ya like group of 4 close friends from school days). There were 5 of us - Barbie and me, FL and I - both single now - and M, married but whose hubby came down with a bad back a couple of days ago (likely story). So, I’ve been surrounded by beautiful women - not too bad a gig!

We’ve hung out at the beach and the pool, attended 2 Bay High Reunion events and discovered a fantastic little beach restaurant called Liza’s Kitchen. And, the reunion events were actually fun. I spent a good bit of time talking to other spouses, one of which was Bill Cappleman, ex Detroit Lion Quarterback! We had a good time reminiscing about his playing days in the early 70’s. And, I enjoyed chatting with Graham’s wife - another Northerner. It’s been a blast and until just an hour ago, we’ve been off the air - no internet. It’s been a nice break. Back to DC tomorrow night. I’ll miss P.C. beach.





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Mom Keeps Fighting!

dd May 26th, 2007

I’m back from my trip to Detroit to look after my 92 year old mom. It was a busy week and the next few posts will focus on different aspects. But, first here’s an update on my mom. She’s a tough one. Over the last 4 months she’s had to battle congestive heart failure, back fractures and a pretty severe stomach ulcer. Right now, she’s at a good nursing/convalescent center. So, here’s what I found and what I accomplished last week:

  • I immediately discovered that medicare would stop paying for her therapy not on 5/24 as I had been told but a week later on 5/31. That was welcome news. But, the question remained what then?
  • My mom had made some progress in the last few days. With her walker, she was now able to walk from her bed to the bathroom and back. And, she was able to dress herself. These were major improvements. However, she has very little stamina and she got quite tired after these short exertions.
  • She is taking medications for her heart, for the build up of fluids in her ankles and lungs, for the ulcer, for high blood pressure and for pain in her back.
  • This one took me totally by surprise - she seems to now have a short term memory loss. She’d ask me something and ask the identical question 2 hours later. Whether this is the result of stress, worry, disorientation, or the meds, it’s hard to say. We’re hoping it is temporary, but we don’t know.
  • Despite all of this, my mom thought she would be able to go home. This was clearly not the best option in my opinion. She would require 24×7 home care. It would be quite expensive and not as good as having her stay at the nursing home as a private care patient so that she would get medical monitoring as well as having her meds administered.
  • I arranged a meeting with the house doctor, the social worker, the nursing unit administrator, and an occupational therapist who had just evaluated her. We agreed that an extension of her stay at the nursing home, was the best option. However, on the bright side, they thought she had made enough of an improvement so that she could be transferred to the assisted living wing of the facility. Hopefully, this will be just a transition period until she moves into an independent living apartment in an elder care facility. Otherwise, she will need to go to a more permanent assisted living or higher care facility, possibly in the same place as the independent living apartment into which she had hoped to be moving.
  • Next came a meeting I had dreaded - breaking the news to my mom. But, after a short discussion, she seemed to accept this strategy. I think she realized that going home, as attractive as it was to her, was just not realistic.

So, that’s where we stand. She is scheduled to be moved to the assisted living unit next Thursday and stay for a month. We’ll reevaluate at that time.

Like my dad, who battled tirelessly for 10 years against the ravages of a major stroke, my mom is fighting valiantly against this onslaught of medical problems. I’m descended from real fighters!

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My 5 Questions

dd May 14th, 2007

Recently, Looking2Live challenged me to answer 5 questions and even threw in a Bonus. This one is making the rounds in Blogoville, but it’s a good Meme for sure and one that requires a bit of thought (compared to my usual post which I sort of throw against the wall and see how it splatters). So, here goes:

Q1: Should we have been better disciplinarians with our children? Would it really have made any difference?
A: Yes, I think we probably should have been a tiny bit stricter, but I don’t think it was a major failing. We also could have been more consistent in actually carrying out our threatened “punishments”. But, honestly, we have 2 really good kids and so I don’t think it would have made a real difference.

Q2: If you could change one thing that happened in your life to date, what would it be?
A: This is easy and I bet you would not have ever guessed it. I would not have planted those G-damn asparagus beds in the Spring of 1978. I was told to dig trenches at least a foot deep. Since I didn’t know what the h__ I was doing and our soil is rock solid clay, I really screwed myself. That’s how I injured my plantar fascia which made me stop playing softball and tennis and led to me injuring my back the next winter. I’ve been battling those injuries ever since, although for the past several years, I returned to tennis and took up biking. But, I lost a lot of years of fun, exercise and camaraderie due to my crazy notion of growing my own asparagus.

Q3: If you had become the doctor your mother had envisioned, what type of doctor would you be? Do you think you would be more or less happy than you are today?
A: First, it was not just my mother. My dad was a big Doctor pusher too. I think I would have been a dermatologist for several reasons:

  1. The only surgery they do is pretty minor and usually done in their offices
  2. They often get instant gratification. The patient’s problem is often fixed or at least treated during the initial visit.
  3. They would be among the least likely doc to get late night or weekend emergency calls.

Would I be happier today? That’s a very good and very hard question and almost impossible to really answer. It’s possible that during my working career, I might have been happier. And, certainly, I would have earned a lot more money. But, I’m not sure my retirement years would be happier. I like what I’m doing now and I’m not sure I would have developed the varied interests I currently cultivate.

Q4: If someone gave you $1 million, what would you do with it?
A: This question and the next one are my favorites. Here’s what I’d do with the million:

  • Travel, travel, travel
  • Set up a small trust fund for both kids
  • Donate 10% to Temple Micah and to Save Darfur

Q5: What are the 5 places you want to visit on upcoming trips in order of preference?
A: This is a hard one since there are many more places than 5 in my fantasies. But, here’s my best shot:

  1. South America - Chile/Argentina
  2. Greece/Turkey
  3. Russia
  4. Costa Rica
  5. Vieques, P.R.

Bonus Q: If you could be fluent in another language, which one would it be and why?

A: Another hard one in that there are 2 languages that immediately spring to mind - Hebrew and Spanish. But, if I have to pick one, it would have to be Hebrew. Reasons:

  • So, I could more easily translate the prayers we do in Hebrew and that we sing in Choir. And, so I could read the Bible easily in its original language
  • So, that on our next trip to Israel, I can actually converse in the native/mother tongue.

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How Many Failed Cho?

dd April 22nd, 2007

Throughout his anguished life, Seung-Hui Cho slipped through way too many cracks and was failed by his parents, the school systems, our mental health system and ultimately VA Tech. He was such a troubled young person - his family recognized that at a very early age. He never even spoke to his own family. Educators - certainly those at VA Tech - knew he was seriously troubled and most likely a danger to himself and others. Yet, he continued attending the University without professional therapeutic help. Today’s New York Times reports that in 2005, he was sent to an off-campus mental health facility after reports of stalking. They declared him mentally ill, but allowed him to undergo outpatient treatment, which he most likely bagged. So, he returned to VA Tech. The rest is so very sadly, “history”.

What Cho did was heinous and indescribably terrible. Yet, I can’t help but think it could have been avoided if he had been given proper care and treatment for his mental illness. I don’t know if the proper meds or proper therapy could have helped him combat his illness and stay in school. Perhaps, he would have had to leave school.

Society failed Mr. Cho an in so doing, failed the victims and the families of the victims of his violent explosion. It should never have come to that.

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A Joyful Noise???

dd March 20th, 2007

Our crazy hybrid (half golden, half lab) dog Jake is a retriever’s retriever. He will do anything to get you to throw him something. And, he’ll keep retrieving until he can no longer move. In fact, when he’s inside with a kong in his mouth (he’s very oral like his father), he beseeches anyone in sight with a unique supplication that can’t be described in words. So, here’s Jake, the begging retriever, in his very first starring cinematic role. I think it’s an Oscar worthy performance:

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The Irrepressible Retriever

dd February 25th, 2007

Our backyard

I’m ready - let’s go!

Is this fun or what?

Where is that damn thing?

I’m back

Our hybrid retriever Jake (1/2 golden, 1/2 black lab) has loved to retrieve since he was a puppy (in sharp contrast to our full blooded pure bred black lab who hasn’t a retrieving bone in his gentle body).  Jake would retrieve forever or until he dropped. 

“What’s a little snow?”, Jake said to me earlier.  Although finding the kong is a bit more of a challenge, he’s “more than up to it”.  By the way, Jake’s best retrieving claim to fame was when my wife was throwing his kong and it ended up in a branch of a small tree.  After pondering this for a few moments, Jake figured out that if he shook the tree, the kong would fall to the ground.  Did I mention that he’s a genius?

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Trusting My Intuition

dd February 16th, 2007

I think I’ve always had a pretty good sense of intuition.  Sense?  Well, I think you know what I mean.  I wish I had a buck for every time I went against it and wish I hadn’t.  My savings account would be a lot heftier today.

So, Monday morning in Detroit, as I’m driving to the nursing home to visit my Mom, I hear this forecast on the radio,”Snowfall is expected to be between 6 to 10 inches tomorrow”.  Now, I was already worried about the weather prediction for Washington - a “wintry mix” - for Tuesday.  And, my return plane flight wasn’t scheduled to depart until Tuesday afternoon. 

Almost instantly, my intuition kicked in and for once, my brain followed along, protesting only meekly at the sudden change of plans, which always throws it for a loop.  I called NWA from the nursing home and after a lengthy dialog, changed my flight to Monday evening and almost did it without a penalty.  Then, I quickly rescheduled the day, talked to everyone at the nursing home that I needed to, made sure everything was in good order for my Mom and broke the news to her.  She was disappointed but understood this was a smart thing to do.

Well, all hell broke loose on Tuesday both in Detroit and Washington.  Had I not changed my travel plans, I might still be there.  And, while my Mom would have loved it, my wife and my work would not have been so overjoyed.  And, truthfully, I find it harder and harder to be alone and away from home these days.  After a few days, I can’t wait to get back.

So, a big thank you to my intuition once again.  I’ll try to remember that you’re always right.

P.S. the $50 penalty fee was worth every penny

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Happy Valentines, Looking

dd February 13th, 2007

This post is for my Valentine, Barbara. 

Dear Barbara,

30 years and counting and it just keeps getting better and better!  I miss you so much when I’m gone from home like this last weekend.  I just discovered this song by Cheryl Wheeler and I instantly knew I had to make it part of a Valentine post for you.

This song says it better than I can and she’s a better singer  :-) .  Hope you like it:

Gandhi/Buddha - written by Cheryl Wheeler and sung by Holly Near:

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Deja Vu at the Nursing Home

dd February 11th, 2007

Here’s a short update from the Motor City on my Mom. She’s been at the W. Bloomfield Nursing/Convalescent Home since Wednesday. She is definitely improving - fluids just about all gone from her ankles and lung. Strength is returning slowly but steadily and her spirits seem better too.

I’m so impressed with the nursing and therapy staff. I don’t know if it’s just that old Mid-western gentleness and kindness or what, but I’m glad for it. The place must be doing something right, because my Mom recognizes and is recognized by many of the staff who were there a few years ago when my Dad was a “resident”. “Oh, Ms. Diskin. What are you doing here?”, said an aide at the dining room last night. (We decided it would be nice to get a change of scenery from her room, so we wheeled over to the dining room. They set the table with nice tablecloths and napkins and sort of pretend it’s a nice restaurant). “Do you remember me?”, my Mom asked the physical therapist Friday. “Of course. How are you Diane?”

There is a little craziness in her room. The roommate doesn’t have all her marbles and she has private aides throughout each day. Why - I’m not quite sure. They seem to spend the entire time watching TV or berating the poor woman. “If you want me to help you get dressed, then do what I tell you, Gloria. Otherwise, I’m fixing to leave”. “Oh, please don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave”. It’s sort of funny but mostly sad. Thank goodness that my mom still has all her mental faculties at 92.

I leave you with this song clip. It just seemed so appropriate. It’s from Grace Griffith’s “My Life”.

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Off to the Motor City Again

dd February 7th, 2007

I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve answered the phone in the last 15 years to hear one of these:

Dad is in the hospital again
Dad is in the convalescent facility
Mom is in the hospital
Mom is in the convalescent facility

My father suffered a major stroke about 13 years ago and fought valiantly in a downhill struggle, and managed to hang on for 10 years before dying at age 91.  But, he was constantly going back to the hospital and/or the nursing home after subsequent episodes and other problems.  My Mom was the main care-giver and during the time she cared for my dad (I’m convinced because of the stress) fell at least 3 times breaking both hips.  She has been on a walker since the 2nd break, several years ago.  I think she has actually fared better health wise after my dad passed away which I attribute to the removal of the daily pounding of caregiving .  But, the other day, that dreaded phone call came again from my brother, who coincidentally happened to be in Detoit to visit his daughter and my Mom.

Mom complained of swelling of her ankles and pain.  He took her to an orthopedic doc who (good man) said “This is not an orthopedic problem.  I think there’s fluid build-up from a weak heart.”  So, off to the hospital again - diagnosis: Congestive heart failure.  I guess this is not so uncommon for a 92 year old.  New meds seem to have stabilized things and she has today been transferred to a convalescent center - the one she likes because the food is better.

I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but I’m also the kind of person who hates unplanned trips when I’m working on so many other things.  And, I just was in Detroit in December and in Chicago in January visiting my 98 year old Aunt in a convalescent situation.  And,who likes to fly these days, especially in the middle of winter to the Midwest?

But, I’m always so glad I’ve gone in the past.  While my dad was alive, they both appreciated my visits so much.  And, now, of course my Mom does too.  I know I’ll be a big comfort to her.  It’s no fun being in any institution so I’ll do what I can to brighten her days.   It makes my annoyances seems so trivial and ridiculously selfish. 

So, I’m off to the Motor City once more.   Hope I don’t freeze my tush off.

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