Archive for May, 2007

Midwest Friendliness

dd May 27th, 2007

Whenever I go back to Michigan, I am reminded just how hospitable, friendly and helpful people generally are there. There really is a different kind of attitude which manifests itself so warmly in that part of the country compared to the coasts. I’m not sure why - perhaps because of the greater degree of hardships. Maybe because of the genetic ancestry. I’m not really sure - leave me a comment if you have your own explanation.

Anyway, here are a couple of examples:

  • On previous trips, I’ve always been able to “borrow” an internet connection from one of my mother’s wifi enalbed neighbors. To my disappointment, the sources all dried up on this visit. 5 days being “off the air” would be really hard for me. But, on Tuesday, I discovered that the nearest Whole Foods (I had stopped there to get some food anyway), had free wifi in their cafe. On Wednesday, while my mom was napping at the nursing home, I and my Macbook went over to WF.
    Unfortunately, the table nearest to the only electric outlet not in use required that I string my cord across the path leading to the restrooms. But, thinking my battery would not last that long, I plugged in anyway. Several people crossed over the cord on the way to the rest room. Of course, I warned them when I saw them. Not one was angry or upset. They just said, “Thanks for the warning”.

    After about 20 minutes, a WF employee came up to me. My brain was still in East Coast mind-set, so I thought “uh-oh, the jig’s up.” But, instead, she said as sweetly as possible, that she could unplug one of the machines in the corner away from foot traffic and I could plug in there. “Just be sure to plug it back in when you’re done”. Now, tell me, how do you think this scenario would have played out in Washington?

  • My second example took place at the airport Thrify Car Rental counter when I arrived in Detroit. I had reserved the cheapest economy car possible. Upon check-in, I inquired as to the kind of car to which that entitled me.

    “It’s a small Kia - no power, no satellite radio, no nothing”, replied the woman at the Thrifty counter. “Sure you don’t want to upgrade to a compact. You’ll have all that and more”. “How much extra would that cost me?” “About $70 in total”. “No, thanks”, I said. “I’ll manage. Thanks anyway. But, if I get out to my Kia and don’t like what I see, I may be back.” “Oh”, she replied. “you won’t be disappointed.”

    Wonder what she meant, I thought. Well, I soon found out. She had upgraded me anyway - for the same price as the economy Kia. I had a very nice Dodge Calibre with power everything, satellite radio, etc. Needless, to say I was not disappointed.

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Mom Keeps Fighting!

dd May 26th, 2007

I’m back from my trip to Detroit to look after my 92 year old mom. It was a busy week and the next few posts will focus on different aspects. But, first here’s an update on my mom. She’s a tough one. Over the last 4 months she’s had to battle congestive heart failure, back fractures and a pretty severe stomach ulcer. Right now, she’s at a good nursing/convalescent center. So, here’s what I found and what I accomplished last week:

  • I immediately discovered that medicare would stop paying for her therapy not on 5/24 as I had been told but a week later on 5/31. That was welcome news. But, the question remained what then?
  • My mom had made some progress in the last few days. With her walker, she was now able to walk from her bed to the bathroom and back. And, she was able to dress herself. These were major improvements. However, she has very little stamina and she got quite tired after these short exertions.
  • She is taking medications for her heart, for the build up of fluids in her ankles and lungs, for the ulcer, for high blood pressure and for pain in her back.
  • This one took me totally by surprise - she seems to now have a short term memory loss. She’d ask me something and ask the identical question 2 hours later. Whether this is the result of stress, worry, disorientation, or the meds, it’s hard to say. We’re hoping it is temporary, but we don’t know.
  • Despite all of this, my mom thought she would be able to go home. This was clearly not the best option in my opinion. She would require 24×7 home care. It would be quite expensive and not as good as having her stay at the nursing home as a private care patient so that she would get medical monitoring as well as having her meds administered.
  • I arranged a meeting with the house doctor, the social worker, the nursing unit administrator, and an occupational therapist who had just evaluated her. We agreed that an extension of her stay at the nursing home, was the best option. However, on the bright side, they thought she had made enough of an improvement so that she could be transferred to the assisted living wing of the facility. Hopefully, this will be just a transition period until she moves into an independent living apartment in an elder care facility. Otherwise, she will need to go to a more permanent assisted living or higher care facility, possibly in the same place as the independent living apartment into which she had hoped to be moving.
  • Next came a meeting I had dreaded - breaking the news to my mom. But, after a short discussion, she seemed to accept this strategy. I think she realized that going home, as attractive as it was to her, was just not realistic.

So, that’s where we stand. She is scheduled to be moved to the assisted living unit next Thursday and stay for a month. We’ll reevaluate at that time.

Like my dad, who battled tirelessly for 10 years against the ravages of a major stroke, my mom is fighting valiantly against this onslaught of medical problems. I’m descended from real fighters!

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A Prayer for a Graceful End

dd May 19th, 2007

Thomas Cole. The Voyage of Life: Old Age. 1842.

Recently I always repeat basically the same prayer in my head during our silent prayer intervals at Shabbat services. Part of it goes something like this:

Dear God, Please allow my mother (92) and my aunt (98) to live the rest of their days free of pain and anxiety. Let them play their end game gracefully.

My aunt continues to amaze everyone. She is still living by herself and managing most of the time despite failing eyesight and balance.

But, despite all my prayers, it looks like my mother will not have a peaceful conclusion to her life. For the past several months, she has been battling in this order:

  • congestive heart failure
  • spinal stenosis and compression fractures in her back from severe osteoporosis
  • bleeding ulcer

Any one of these would be bad enough, but when you combine them the suffering gets to be pretty bad. Her life has been a terrible journey from hospital to nursing home to home for a couple weeks and now back to the hospital and nursing home. She is in pain and she is tired. Despite all of this, she thinks she is going to go home soon. It’s not likely as currently she still needs 24×7 care. The much more likely scenario is she will remain in the nursing home for the foreseeable future as a private patient since Medicare will soon run out. At least this way, she’ll have continuous medical monitoring and also physical and occupational therapy. If miraculously, she improves then we can talk about her leaving for an assisted living facility.

This morning at services, I thought about Florence, a 91 year old member of our congregation we’ve come to know quite well in the last few years. She’s a lovely woman inside and out but she is dying of a brain tumor. However, at least so far she has been granted a very graceful exit. She is not in any pain and continues to live in her own home with the help of her daughter who moved here from Boston to look after her. She remains mentally alert and mobile. Florence is so fortunate that her journey had been bearable. Alas, that is not the case with my mother.

So, I am leaving for Detroit Tuesday because it’s been hard dealing long distance with her most recent problems (I was there in February too). I have other relatives in Detroit, but my brother (who moved away from Detroit many years ago as I did) and I are the decision makers and advisers. So, I want to see “ground truth” for myself but more importantly I want to be able to talk to my mother realistically about her options. This won’t be an easy conversation.

It can really suck getting old this way. I continue to pray for a better end game for my mother. Please join me - maybe she just needs a few more prayers.

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My 5 Questions

dd May 14th, 2007

Recently, Looking2Live challenged me to answer 5 questions and even threw in a Bonus. This one is making the rounds in Blogoville, but it’s a good Meme for sure and one that requires a bit of thought (compared to my usual post which I sort of throw against the wall and see how it splatters). So, here goes:

Q1: Should we have been better disciplinarians with our children? Would it really have made any difference?
A: Yes, I think we probably should have been a tiny bit stricter, but I don’t think it was a major failing. We also could have been more consistent in actually carrying out our threatened “punishments”. But, honestly, we have 2 really good kids and so I don’t think it would have made a real difference.

Q2: If you could change one thing that happened in your life to date, what would it be?
A: This is easy and I bet you would not have ever guessed it. I would not have planted those G-damn asparagus beds in the Spring of 1978. I was told to dig trenches at least a foot deep. Since I didn’t know what the h__ I was doing and our soil is rock solid clay, I really screwed myself. That’s how I injured my plantar fascia which made me stop playing softball and tennis and led to me injuring my back the next winter. I’ve been battling those injuries ever since, although for the past several years, I returned to tennis and took up biking. But, I lost a lot of years of fun, exercise and camaraderie due to my crazy notion of growing my own asparagus.

Q3: If you had become the doctor your mother had envisioned, what type of doctor would you be? Do you think you would be more or less happy than you are today?
A: First, it was not just my mother. My dad was a big Doctor pusher too. I think I would have been a dermatologist for several reasons:

  1. The only surgery they do is pretty minor and usually done in their offices
  2. They often get instant gratification. The patient’s problem is often fixed or at least treated during the initial visit.
  3. They would be among the least likely doc to get late night or weekend emergency calls.

Would I be happier today? That’s a very good and very hard question and almost impossible to really answer. It’s possible that during my working career, I might have been happier. And, certainly, I would have earned a lot more money. But, I’m not sure my retirement years would be happier. I like what I’m doing now and I’m not sure I would have developed the varied interests I currently cultivate.

Q4: If someone gave you $1 million, what would you do with it?
A: This question and the next one are my favorites. Here’s what I’d do with the million:

  • Travel, travel, travel
  • Set up a small trust fund for both kids
  • Donate 10% to Temple Micah and to Save Darfur

Q5: What are the 5 places you want to visit on upcoming trips in order of preference?
A: This is a hard one since there are many more places than 5 in my fantasies. But, here’s my best shot:

  1. South America - Chile/Argentina
  2. Greece/Turkey
  3. Russia
  4. Costa Rica
  5. Vieques, P.R.

Bonus Q: If you could be fluent in another language, which one would it be and why?

A: Another hard one in that there are 2 languages that immediately spring to mind - Hebrew and Spanish. But, if I have to pick one, it would have to be Hebrew. Reasons:

  • So, I could more easily translate the prayers we do in Hebrew and that we sing in Choir. And, so I could read the Bible easily in its original language
  • So, that on our next trip to Israel, I can actually converse in the native/mother tongue.

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Jake’s First Doggie Cocktail Party

dd May 11th, 2007

Ever wish you had a dog’s life? Take a look at the accompanying slide show. It’s a stitch. Last night we brought our lovable hybrid dog Jake (he’s half black lab and half golden retriever) to a fancy shmanzy party at the Omni Shoreham hotel. It was a fund and awareness raising and event for Guide Dogs for the Blind. Being a hybrid and 8 years old, Jake is ineligible. However, a teacher friend of B jsut started in the program and we met her there. Jake and I fought awful rush hour traffic, 2 accidents and the maze of the hotel and arrived almost on time. B and I loved the food and Jake was quite well behaved. We rewarded him with some tennis ball retrieving on the lovely lawn of the hotel. Everyone emerged happy. For a more detailed view of this event, check out this post. Enjoy (click view all images to see larger size pictures):

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Email etiquette questions

dd May 9th, 2007

E-mail (note: according to my Mac dictionary you can spell email with a hyphen or without - both are acceptable) by now has become ubiquitous. We all use it although sometimes it uses us — to distraction. Anyway, I’ve been wondering about some email etiquette or convention questions lately. So, here they are:

  • How to determine when to end a thread of responses/replies?

This may seem like a simple question, but I think it’s one we all have grappled with. You send a message, that person replies. Now, if there is still some clarification to do, then, of course, you respond. But, if it seems like all questions have been answered, do you send a “final” reply and if so, where does it end? Here’s an example:

Mr X: “Ms. Y, could you please send me the 3 readings I still need so I can post them on the web site? Thanks.”

Ms. Y: “Here they are. Thanks for reminding me.”

Mr. X: These are terrific. I really liked the third one from Sarah. I’ve posted them all.”

Ms. Y: Thanks so much. Yes, I really like Sarah’s reading too. I may use it tonight in class.”

Now, does Mr. X reply with something like: “Great idea. I’m sure the class will like that.” or just stop the conversation? The problem in email is that we don’t have a convention for ending the conversation as we do in face to face dialogues. In that case, we each say “goodby” or “see ya later” or whatever.

  • Should you ever use all caps?

Until about 2 years ago, I was unaware that there is an email etiquette rule that says USING ALL CAPS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU’RE SHOUTING! (IT’S ALSO MORE DIFFICULT TO READ.)

Since then, I have avoided using all caps. I don’t want to be shouting or yelling when I send an email to someone. Also, now that I am aware of this convention, when I get an email with word(s) in all caps, I immediately get defensive, just as I would if someone was yelling at me.

  • So, should you tell someone who uses all caps about the all caps etiquette rule?

Here, you have to be careful. If you come across in the wrong way, you’ll tick off the person. That’s bad, unless that’s what you want to do. I think the best approach is to do this in a lighthearted way and not come across sanctimoniously. Easier said than done. Guess I can point people to this post.

Anyone have any other email issues/questions? What about abbreviations for example? Feel free to add to the dialog with your comments.

Here are a couple of links to discussions of email/net etiquette:

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What the H___ Am I Complaining About?

dd May 5th, 2007

Please excuse the “woe is me tone” of recent posts. Compared to many people, I have no reason at all to feel sorry for myself. I’m thinking particularly of Red Dirt Girl, whose blog many of you have feasted upon. Sadly, RDG is no longer “on the air”, since her hubby’s lawyer is using her blog in their divorce “battle” and custody fight. Now, those are real worries for sure.

So, please keep RDG in your prayers and thoughts as she goes through this ordeal. I know she will really appreciate it. She has written that she has found great solace from her blogging buddies. We all wish her the best and hope she can put all the ugliness behind her soon and get back to the Blogosphere.

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